In writing, this is simply a short story, but to the person it feels like it's been a lifetime, in fact, it feels as though it was a completely different life altogether.
This is going to begin in 2015, fresh out of College with my sparkly Distinction* Distinction* Distinction* grade in hand, I was excited, and confident to take my next steps in education.
Having had a fantastic experience at College, becoming Student Governor/President, Head of the Student Ambassadors and representatives, enjoying my studies, as well as trying out many extra curricula activities, I was eager to enjoy this experience again at University. Unfortunately, I was rejected as a Student Ambassador and the rep meetings were few and far between, so my first experience of University was turning out to be a little melancholy. Perhaps I was too cocky thinking I would get into the team of Ambassadors, after all, I was Student PRESIDENT, so I should know a thing or two about this role! I did not plan to become Student President here though, as more time was required on my studies, but I wanted to continue my customer service life of welcoming people. As for the social activities, well as an active person, I had to try out for badminton, dance and yoga. Unfortunately, these were not managed well, unlike College where the organiser was a tutor, these were left to students to run themselves, which evidently meant planning went out the window.
So my biggest lesson learnt so far is that every place you go will be different to the last! Ever the glass-half-full kind of person, I tried to stay positive and find other things to explore instead. Luckily, my studies were keeping me busy with a new workshop to try every week. Unfortunately, as my studies continued, my negative mindset persisted. It wasn't until some months later that I realised it coincided with the relationship I was in, but we'll touch on that another time.
Throughout my studies I actively looked for a customer service opportunity, which proved worthwhile as I became the Front of House assistant at a lovely little gallery not far from my university, so I could easily manage my time. I put so much dedication into this role, that my role soon grew to gallery manager and workshop co-ordinator, as well as my original duties. I was deeply aware of how much I was doing for free, but I enjoyed seeing the gallery and its visitors thrive, so I continued for as long as I could before eventually having to dedicate all of my time to my degree. I was the longest serving volunteer the gallery ever had (and probably still am!).
Graduation was a scary but exciting time, as I was excited to start my next steps in life but felt very unsure as to what those next steps might be! I don't feel I had been properly prepared at University for the working world. Looking back on it, I wish I had believed in myself more, it would have certainly helped calm my worries! As it was, I ended up getting a role in Marketing fairly soon after graduation, in August, so one month later! It was solely a Marketing role on minimum wage (they chose to overlook my degree), so I was at first stumped with this role, but I tried my best to be positive and soon found myself really enjoying the role. Planning an event for over 10,000 visitors meant there was plenty of customer service in my role, so I was very happy about that, I was just low that my degree I had worked so hard to achieve was going to waste. Not long after that, the perfect opportunity arose to offer my skills when I noticed we were struggling to communicate with different freelancers on all things design. It was a great move for all of us involved as I had my opportunity to develop myself as a Marketing Designer and the team benefitted from better, more appropriate printed and digital material. At the end of my contract, I was in love with my role and the team, unfortunately, they had never had someone like me before and so were unable to keep on any longer than a month afterwards. I must admit, I do find the whole concept very absurd...every year from August to January, they hire someone completely new every time to help with the event that takes place every year in January. This is what they do so they only have the budget for this amount of time. Why take time recruiting and training someone every year when you would benefit from someone becoming an established part of the team instead? This went through my mind on the regular for a while after I said my goodbyes and was back on the job hunt, but I put my mind to good use instead by improving my CV and portfolio and having various interviews to go to.
It wasn't until the end of my next role that I became aware of the term 'Marketing Designer', before that, I had been an amalgamation of design, marketing, PA, and events. This next step in my career is something no recruiter knows... I wasn't paid as a Marketing Designer but as a marketing and design intern. However I did the full roles of Marketing Designer, Events Planner, and Office Manager for 6 months. It was the biggest con in the company (and there were a few), but I was so grateful to have an opportunity to develop my skills, I did my best to just accept it. Especially after several unsuccessful attempts to discuss my role in the company, I soon became resentful. A negative emotion I was not proud of, but I was struggling with many issues in my life at the time.
The company decided to take on a further handful of interns. Thanks to lack of direction from staff, most of them learnt little, and so made no contribution to the company. I tried my best to help them, even befriend them, but soon decided to cut my losses. Especially when one decided to flaunt his higher pay... he began the conversation so I asked for further information, after saying it was because he had more experience than the rest of us, he then decided pay isn't something "you should talk about". He most likely decided to say that after I, experienced with a previous job AND a degree, was far more experienced than a first year university student...
Then, my manager became very micro obsessed; if I came in even a minute past 9am she would be furious, yet it was fine for her to stroll in at 11am with no explanation. And when my Nan passed away I had to wait until lunch to ring my mum to support her, and take all of my holiday to go home to sort out her funeral. Looking back on it, all of things would've made a more confident person walk away and easily get a better position, but by this point, the combination of treatment from this company and my ex, had withered away what little self-confidence I had had left. It was a sad thing to think of that confident Student President who had held speeches and organised events, but that's just how it was.
Unbeknown to me, at the time, this was the biggest turning point of my life. What happens next is what defines my spirit animal as a butterfly. My ex kicked me out of his home two days after my Nan passed away because I was being "too emotional", so once I came back to London I was technically homeless. Even knowing this, my manager expected me to still come in... Luckily, an intern I had befriended had a spare room so in one afternoon, by one train and an uber we carried my few belongings to hers. Having cut such a huge negative part out of my life, I felt like I could finally breathe again. This sudden positive transformation led me to believe I would finally be offered a full time, better paying role within the company. After all, I had taken on the role of office manager, with the condition that I get a job once they hired a new office manager. Everyone at the company said so! Everyone except the CEO that is, because he was never there to discuss this with. Always away on "business" trips, he finally came back two weeks before my contract was due to end, with the announcement that he planned on restructuring the entire company to better suit his plans and that he "didn't need me". Of course I was heartbroken, and furious for my mistreatment, but I had my friends and family to keep me going and was finally able to get a well paying MARKETING DESIGNER ROLE.
During this time, my friend whom I had been living with, broke up with her boyfriend, who it turned out was the actual rent payer of this flat while studying in America, and was coming back home. She left one night without so much as a warning message. So it's no surprise that we were both shocked to see the other! I am very grateful he was understanding and gave me time to find somewhere to live, and didn't just kick me out (which with my past experience, I very much expected.) I managed to find a lovely house 5 mins walk from Ladywell station, so it was perfect. Of course, that's what I thought, but it turned out to be a very shifty affair that I paid one of the other tenants all of the bills and then she paid it to the landlord. I wasn't happy with this arrangement, but once again my hands felt tied. Living here soon became an unpleasant experience as the whole house got high and drunk on the regular, so I mostly stayed in my small, un heated room. These were tough times, especially because it was Winter, but I now had my dream job to keep me going! And it really was, the office was lovely, the team were ever so friendly, and I was taken seriously as a skilled Marketing Designer, so my role soon developed to what I enjoyed. We even had a plan in place for my next steps within the company!
So that just about brings us to now, which I am writing as a separate piece about Furloughed life...
I really wish I had done this before, I had kept so much secret, as if pretending it never happened, but acknowledging all of this makes me all the more grateful for what I have now. This has also made me realise everything I do on this site is for me foremost, this is my story.
P.S This was my highest viewed blog, but then I felt silly for coming across as gullible (thanks to a future experience) so I removed it. BUT NOW IT'S BACK BABY. Time to be my most authentic self.
Disclaimer: I have not mentioned any personal or company names. My intentions are not to draw negative attention to anyone. I do not wish ill harm. If you, the reader, really wanted to, you could figure out who this is, but that is not my goal with this piece. This is part of my story, it's part of Laura's Life Lessons, talking about how we are all just trying to find our way in this crazy world.