Well, what a to-do! I left you with my previous story of Laura's Life Lessons detailing how I had escaped a terrible situation and found my true calling, my dream job.
Or so it seemed...
Turns out when something "unprecedented" happens the people who have all of their eggs in one basket, bring them close to their chest, and drop everything else. It eventually became very very clear that employees are just numbers on a spreadsheet, and if that number is red, well, it doesn't matter to them what you have going on, you are red to the business!
During lockdown they made it out to be that we were doing well due to the remote working set up, that we were thriving in this new way of working, so the announcement that some of us would have to be furloughed came as quite a shock to me. Being a junior in the company meant being furloughed myself was not a shock. Management's idea was that it would be fine, my manager would just take on all of my work. Unbeknown to them I had actually been taking a lot of my manager's work because she had been struggling with the workload so much, and I was handling my projects well. So she really suffered during this time and was eager to have me back. I too was eager to come back and felt a bit lost without my steady flow of projects to do. It also helped me continue society's expectation of work work work. Can you imagine being constantly on the go, doing something from the moment you can walk, to suddenly not do anything? Not to mention, I was living in a flat by myself. The company had all but cut ties with me (even though there had been promises to keep me updated) so I feel it unexaggerated to say I felt abandoned.
Always trying to view things in a positive light, I soon realised I finally had the time for all those things I'd been wanting to do. So, I made the most of it! I did the lot, yoga, jogging, puzzles, I had never felt a calling to make bread though, so I didn't try that...
It's important to note that in any group of people, like a company, it's not everyone, there is always someone who does genuinely care. This person tried their best to keep us connected, but the problem is everyone has to bring something to the table, they have to be present. And this one person who was trying eventually gave up, because it ended up just being the two of us making the effort. To be honest, sometimes I wasn't in the mood to, but I realised how awful it would feel for them if no one showed up. Even so, it's blaringly obvious this thing is not a 'company catch up' if 80% of the company is not there, with some having never bothered at all!
Up until the very end, Furloughed life was a blast. I was really enjoying exploring myself and the world, having this time to do things I had never had time for before. But, a huge part of this was because I thought I would be going back to my dream job, in my dream company. So what, most of the company had gone radio silent, and a lot of furloughed had immediately got another job, that doesn't mean ANYTHING. I admit, looking back I had been very naïve. But I want to stress here something the company said, something I kept repeating in my head. They said we would all be back soon, that they couldn't wait to see us all again back in the office. This was after being told we were being furloughed. Somehow, everyone else saw the situation for how it actually was, that we didn't have a job to go back to after furlough, and so we needed to get a job.
I was ever so kindly made aware of this, when a manager of mine finally got in touch to ask me how my job hunting was going. Job hunting? Why would I be looking for a job, when I have my job to go back to? The company literally said so! This is when the penny dropped. Oh my gosh, did I feel like a fool!
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling my parents the full truth. I should have been vague, and said "unfortunately they did not foresee the lack of sales, and so lack money" etc, but no, I told the truth about how I'd been told conflicting things, how they had miscommunicated and managed this badly. At this point in my life, I had yet to fully acknowledge how toxic and controlling my dad was (turns out he is what I based my abusive ex on...) so I let him order me about making me send the most ridiculous email to management complaining. This achieved nothing. The attitude was that it was my fault for hearing the sentence they didn't mean!! I was even told I should stop being so naïve and wearing my heart on my sleeve, not everyone is as friendly as me, I should learn to grow up. Can you see the irony? A company that had hired me and praised me based on my friendly and trusting personality was now kicking me down because of it.
I am grateful for this experience, it did teach me to not be so gullible, but in the process I hardened my shell, and was no longer the person I wanted to be. I LIKE being friendly and trusting. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who think they need to stand on others to get to the top, there are other ways. This experience helped me look deeper into things.
I always use this story as an example for the saying 'never meet your heroes'. They may sound like your heroes on paper, but I had learnt now not to trust what THE COMPANY says about themselves. OF COURSE, they are going to say they care about their employees!! Some will say anything to look good, it's more about what they actually DO.
Disclaimer: I have not mentioned any personal or company names. My intentions are not to draw negative attention to anyone. I do not wish ill harm. If you, the reader, really wanted to, you could figure out who this is, but that is not my goal with this piece. This is part of my story, it's part of Laura's Life Lessons, talking about how we are all just trying to find our way in this crazy world.